Can a husband's bad behavior force his wife to be unfaithful?

Blaming a husband's behaviour for his wife's unfaithfulness is not only a very lame excuse, it's a cop-out. Unless he literally holds a gun on her and her partner, and orders them have intimate relations or die on the spot, he cannot be accused of forcing her to be unfaithful. And , even in this scenario, the wife still has a choice.

A husband's behaviour can be unacceptable. He may be physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive; he may be an alcoholic, a drug addict or a compulsive gambler; he may even be involved in an affair of his own. These behaviours, as heartbreaking and abhorrent as they are, do not give his wife a license to be unfaithful. While her husband is conducting himself in this way, she has one huge problem: him, and his disappointing performance as a spouse.

However, if she chooses to launch herself into a red-hot affair, she is creating a bundle of additional complications. How can she arrange the times and places to see her paramour, without being discovered? What about the children, if any, her own and those of her boyfriend? How will this affect them? If she tells her friends or other family members, they may accidentally let something slip, and her husband may find out. If he gets proof, she faces the possibility of being declared an unfit mother, and of losing custody of her children. Is she willing to face that eventuality?

What about the wife or significant other of her perspective lover? It's not fair to ruin another woman's happiness just because she herself is in a miserable situation at present. She is not in a position to make any permanent plans or commitments anyway.

First, the unhappy wife must get her life in order. She needs to make a decision. Can her marriage be saved? Does she want to save it? She may need to consult her husband. Both partners must have the desire and determination to salvage the union. One can't do it alone.

If both are willing to give the marriage one more try, they should make an appointment with a counsellor immediately. Don't procrastinate; one more bitter exchange may destroy the good intentions of one or both spouses.

If the marriage is beyond salvation, the wife must accept responsibility for her own life: for the mistakes of the past, the necessities of the present and for the promise of the future. She must get a job if she doesn't presently have one, arrange for separate quarters, and consult a lawyer. When the divorce is final, then and only then, is she free to plan the next phase of her life.

Two wrongs never make a right. A husband's bad behaviour is just that: bad behaviour. The transgressions are his and the consequences must be his. If through his own fault, he loses a good wife, he will be all the poorer for the loss.

However, the good wife, if she is strong and responsible, will still be a good wife. She can move on, without shame or guilt, and find a new partner who will appreciate her strength and virtues. Because of the distressing events in her past, she should have the knowledge and experience to choose more wisely next time.