I don't care what you say! I'm going to go anyway and you can't stop me!" A spoiled child venting his anger at his mother, because she won't let him do something that is probably harmful and maybe dangerous, you think?
No, a grown man is reacting to his wife's request that he forgo one of his weekly nights out with the boys to attend her parents' anniversary party. How should she handle the temper tantrum? This adult-child is too old and too big to be sent to his room for a "Time Out".
It is highly likely that his next move will be to turn on his heel, head for the nearest exit, stamping his feet as hard as he can on the way, and leave, slamming the door behind him. In that case, no immediate action on her part is necessary, or expected.
If he stays, ready to continue or possibly escalate the drama, her best move is to remain calm and try to evaluate the seriousness of the tantrum. Is he completely out of control, or just being a bully and trying to intimidate her? If he has lost control, she needs to leave: go to a neighbor's, run an errand, or visit a girlfriend . There's no sense trying to talk to someone who's irrational, and it could be dangerous.
If he's just trying to assert his authority as head of the household and ruler of the world, it's best to put a stop to those antics before they become a habit. She should inform Gonzilla that she will not be spoken to in that manner and, that when he is ready to discuss the matter calmly, they can try to work out a compromise.
Then, she should leave the room and make coffee, take a long washroom break, or take a book and read on the patio. Just be unavailable for awhile.
During the break in the action, the wife needs to ask herself some in-depth questions.
(a) Is this new behavior? If so, a medical exam may be in order.
(b) Is she in personal danger? If so, she should leave, and not return home, but arrange to stay with family or friends for a few days.
(c) Does she still love the guy?
(e) If she leaves, what needs to happen before she returns home, to ensure that this situation doesn't recur?
(f) If she's still at home, how can the present problem be resolved and what steps can be taken to propel the spouse toward more mature behavior in the future?
If she hasn't judged it necessary to leave, the wife needs to have a long talk with her mate after he has settled down. He needs to know that she must be considered a partner and an equal in the union. They should be working together, each trying to accommodate the other's needs and preferences.
Perhaps he can go out with the boys for the early part of the evening and join her later at her parents' home. Or, the boys could go out another evening that week. A solution can usually be worked out as long as both partners can discuss matters calmly and in good faith.
The spouse needs to firmly stipulate that, on the occasion of the next temper tantrum, a course in anger management will become necessary. She may decide to accompany him, for personal growth, or just to be sure he attends as agreed.
If she has deemed it necessary to leave home, but if she still loves her husband and wants to try to save the marriage, she must decide on terms under which she will return. For instance, he has to have completed a course in anger management and have attended at least two appointments with a reputable psychologist for personal counseling. He may have some issues with his mother that need to be resolved, and he needs help to realize the advantages of having a wife who's a partner, rather than a parent substitute.
Temper tantrums are unpleasant in children, but totally inappropriate when dealing with an adult who is supposed to be a lover, a soul mate, and a lifelong companion.
Most children, both big and small, eventually grow up, but some take longer than tan others. And sometimes, they need a little outside help
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