This solemn vow, taken by loving couples in the sight of God, family, and friends on their wedding day, no longer seems to signify the unwavering commitment it did in past generations. Sadly, nearly half of all contemporary marriages end in divorce.
Divorce is a difficult experience for everyone: the couple themselves, their children, and their families and friends. There is a process to undergo, similar to grieving a death, and a new reality to which everyone must adjust.
What are the causes of divorce? What factors make cohabitation so difficult that one or both spouses cannot no longer tolerate the situation? Here are some issues that may be at the root of the problems:
* LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Every couple will have disagreements. When spouses cannot communicate, share their grievances and negotiate compromises, hostilities will be repressed. They will resurface at a later date, over a minor, totally unrelated incident or they will continue to fester and grow. A build-up of repressed hostility in one or both partners will soon destroy any relationship.
* CHEATING
When one partner breaks the marriage vows, the all-important bond or trust is severed. Sometimes it can be repaired, but often it cannot. In today's society, with the prevalence of STDs, the cheating partner is risking not only his or her own life and health, but also that of the faithful spouse.
* FINANCES
Money is the source of many marital disagreements. There should be an agreement before the wedding on each partner's fair contribution to household expenses, on who will manage the bank account, and on how major expenditures will be decided upon. Again, communication and negotiating skill will pay a vital role in these decisions.
*MISMATCH
Sometimes young couples mistake infatuation for true love. When the excitement of the courtship period wears off, as it surely will, they find that they have little in common, and in fact, they may not even like each other. Sooner or later, one or the other will decide to end the parody of a marriage.
*ABUSE
Physical, mental, emotional or verbal abuse of one spouse by the other should not be tolerated. It may be wise for the couple to separate while they seek counselling to see if the marriage can be salvaged. If not, the abused partner will need psychological help to enable her/him to move on and perhaps find a more satisfying relationship.
*ADDICTION
Sometimes one spouse becomes addicted to alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling or other destructive behaviour, so that the family's finances, security, and lifestyle are significantly affected. If the addict refuses to get help, divorce may result.
* EXHAUSTION
In today's economic climate, it is often necessary for both partners to work. If one spouse is carrying more than his or her fair share of the load, the marriage will become increasingly troubled. Because of living in a perpetual state of fatigue, the overworked mate will be irritable, resentful and uncooperative. Marriage breakdown will result, probably sooner rather than later.
*DIFFERENCE IN CULTURE OR RELIGION
Differences which seemed unimportant in the fiery glow of young love can become major obstacles in the cold reality of everyday married life. When children arrive the disparities are magnified. Lasting unions are most often between those of similar cultures, religious views and backgrounds.
Premarital counselling is available through many church communities and/or social agencies. It is worthwhile for a couple contemplating marriage to invest time and effort in participating in these sessions. Many potential trouble areas may be identified and resolved before they become major obstacles to a successful marriage.
Young couples on their wedding day stand poised on the threshold of a lifetime of mutual love, support, growth and harmony. Their Creator, their families and friends gather to witness their exchange of solemn vows. It would be prudent also to offer a silent prayer that this marriage will be among the fortunate fifty per cent that will last until death do them part.
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