For many people, June is the month for celebrating weddings and anniversaries. For Sandra this year, June marked the beginning of a separation from her husband of almost half a century.
Sandy and Ted were married more than forty-five years ago. After a small church ceremony they moved into a furnished apartment. The first years were busy but relatively happy.
The first serious altercation occurred one morning when a male tenant helped Sandy with a troublesome washing machine in the basement of their building. When she mentioned the incident to Ted, he exploded in a jealous rage and she experienced the first incident of abuse. Ted threw a hard punch to her shoulder, leaving a colorful bruise.
Sandy resolved to guard her tongue more carefully in the future, but a cleft appeared in the wholehearted love and trust she had previously felt for her husband.
In 1959, the young couple purchased a bungalow in the suburbs. In due time, two daughters were born and Sandy had childcare responsibilities added to her busy schedule of managing an office job and housework.
Ted was blessed with incredible energy. Because he was as short-tempered as he was energetic, he had several heated encounters with the neighbors, two of which resulted in court actions. Ever loyal, Sandy was relieved when Ted's cases was dismissed on technicalities each time.
Life with Ted was invariably eventful. After one particularly violent episode, Sandra left him. She stayed in a motel with her two little girls for several days while she tried to formulate a plan for a better future for herself and the children. Unfortunately, her aunt, not realizing the seriousness of her niece's situation, intervened on Ted's behalf.
"The Great Escape" ended with an apology from Ted, and a promise to do better. However, Sandra had now acquired a looming sense of apprehension, and the cleft in her feelings towards Ted developed into a furrow.
Years passed. Through hard work, Sandy and Ted upgraded their living quarters. The girls became employed, left home and eventually got married. Sandra and Ted began to forge their own lifestyle but, because of their differing personalities, their interests and activities seldom converged.
After the couple retired, the larger house was sold. They rented an upscale apartment downtown. Sandra's health was good and she looked forward to spending the golden years in relative relaxation and comfort.
Unexpectedly, her dream collapsed. Ted suddenly announced that this more leisurelylifestyle was not for him. He bought a bicycle and began daily extended tours of the city. He stayed out until all hours.
Soon, he demanded that Sandra co-sign a bank loan so he could buy a houseboat and travel. Suddenly the furrow became a chasm. Fearful of his response if she refused, yet not wishing to see her retirement savings squandered, she surreptitiously fled to a friend's home and stayed there until lawyers drew up a legal separation agreement, and it was signed.
Sandra was now in her sixty-ninth year and had never before lived alone. She adjusted to single life in the apartment with difficulty. Plans which family and friends had made for the celebration of her golden wedding anniversary were scrapped. Presently, she hasn't heard from Ted in several months. She hopes that he is successful in finding his dream, but she doesn't wish to be part of it
.
The moral of this tale? Give your mate an extra hug today. Make it a point to do something together that you both enjoy at least once a week. Try to develop common interests, so that when it's just the two of you again, you won't find yourself face-to-face with a stranger.
And if, early in your marriage, a cleft develops between you and your spouse, move heaven and earth if you must, to get counseling. Don't procrastinate. A few months before your golden wedding anniversary is a bit late to seek help.
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