Can second marriages work?

Second marriages can and do work; hundreds of thousands of couples in North America in the twenty-first century testify to the truth of this observation. My husband and I are among this multitude.

Statistics indicate that almost half of first marriages fail. Often, rosy dreams of living happily ever after quickly dissolve in the harsh glare of day-to-day reality. Disillusioned and disheartened, the spouses find it necessary to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and egos, and somehow find the strength to move on with their lives.

Often first time partners are young and immature. They are not ready for the responsibilities and sacrifices necessary to build a lasting union. When challenges arise, they lack the skills and experience to negotiate the difficulties, and the marriage collapses.

Those who wed at twenty-two, may be different at thirty-two. The girl may have grown into the responsible young mother of several children, while her husband remains a boy whose main interests are nights out partying and drinking with his friends. Compatibility is no longer possible, and a painful split ensues.

There has to be an avenue for these people to learn from their mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance at happiness. Eventually, most will summon the courage to start dating again.

Single-again dates are more wary. They are usually determined to avoid a second marriage failure. They are also older. They have a better idea of the type of individual with whom they wish to spend the rest of their lives. If children are involved, finding a suitable stepparent adds another dimension to the search.

They are not so likely to jump recklessly into a second union. The important issues will be settled ahead of time. How will finances be managed? Will more children be welcomed into family? Who will be responsible for which household chores? There will be few delusions of a problem-free future. This eyes-wide-open approach usually pays off.

My second husband and I celebrated our thirtieth-fourth wedding anniversary this year. In 1977, he accepted me and my four children with open arms and heart. I became step mom to his two, who lived with their mother, but came for visits.

The first few years were hectic until all the young people were launched, but there was a lot of fun and laughter too, leaving us with a warm glow of memories to light our senior years. The love and commitment with which we gifted each other were one of the greatest blessings of our lives.

Although my first marriage lasted ten years, I can hardly remember those days. It seems now that Don has always been my husband. I'm sure we'll be together "until death do us part", as the traditional rite of marriage promises. Actually, we both have too many aches and pains to wander very far from home. ( Just fooling!) I can personally attest from experience: second marriages can work.